On Tuesday, July 14th, our landlord told us she was selling the house we rent. It hit me really hard, and that surprised me. I'm usually the first one in my family to jump at change. I love a new adventure.

But this house was different. We've lived here almost five years, the longest we've ever lived anywhere. She's a 1969 house and a little shabby, but the rent was under market for the neighborhood. We have a big lot with a ton of greenery, which is almost unheard of in Southern California. We love our neighbors. We can walk to the grocery store and to our daughter's elementary school, and we're not far from the beach.

I pictured our daughter graduating high school while we lived here. I know you're not supposed to fall in love with a rental. I did anyway.

Making a house feel like home takes time. Last year, we finally got there. Every room had a job, and I didn't feel like I needed to add or change a thing. So when we got the news, part of me felt like we were starting over.

I thought the hardest part would be the packing. It wasn't.

For nine weeks, I felt uneasy. I couldn't take a full breath. But our home didn't feel cluttered, so it wasn't the stuff.

I felt out of control. Someone else was deciding our future, and I felt alone in it. At the same time we were figuring out where to live, my husband was facing back surgery. Thankfully, it went well. But he was in so much pain that he couldn't lift anything, so I was carrying the heavy load in every sense.

If your home feels heavy right now, ask yourself whether it's really about the stuff, or about something in your life you can't control. Clutter is often what our inner overwhelm looks like from the outside.

When my world felt upside down, I looked for something I could control. Stuff is my business, so I pared down even more.

It felt good. My house might be changing, but this drawer? This drawer I could handle.

When life feels out of control, all of us reach for something. Some of us reach for the donation bag. Some of us reach for the Add to Cart button. It's the same reach, just a different bag.

Decluttering during a hard season isn't bad. I highly recommend it. It just helps more when you know why you're doing it. Then you can be kind to yourself instead of ashamed.

I'm a doer. I want a list, a plan, and progress. But for about six weeks, we had to wait. First summer plans and travel, then school starting, then my husband's surgery.

Of course I was still on Zillow. And seeing higher prices only added to my panic.

I couldn't organize my way around those feelings. I couldn't donate them or put them in a bin with a cute label. I had to sit with them.

Some seasons are for action and some are for waiting. Waiting isn't failing. And I learned I don't have to fill the waiting with busywork just to prove I'm okay.

Over Labor Day weekend, we thought we'd found the one. At the showing, cars were lined up outside the gated community, and at least 10 groups were there with us. Appointments ran every 30 minutes, and another big group walked in as we left. We had to be out by October 31st, and this place was available November 1st.

We lost it to another applicant, and my brain flipped straight into scarcity mode. There aren't enough houses. There isn't enough time.

Then I recognized that voice. I hear it every time I help someone declutter. Keep the extra cords, just in case. Keep the jeans that don't fit, just in case. Keep the 15 water bottles, just in case.

"Just in case" sounds responsible. Most of the time, it's just fear wearing a practical outfit.

I was on Zillow for hours a day. After we lost that house, my husband and I decided to step back. We weren't in a rush, and we could search with a little more peace.

On Friday night, September 11th, we checked one more time before bed. A new listing had gone up within the hour. I messaged through Zillow after 11pm, and they wrote back within about 10 minutes. We toured it Saturday at 3pm, applied before friends came over for football at 4, and picked up the keys Tuesday.

Nothing came up while I was refreshing listings every hour. It came after we let go. When we were chasing, all I could see was the competition. When we stopped, there was room for the right thing to show up.

Every guest on my show gets the same rapid-fire question: what does clutter free mean to you? For me, it has always been about more than physical belongings.

When we started this search, my house wasn't the cluttered part. My mind was, and it was full of worry and what-ifs. Only after I let go, created space, and released my grip did everything fall into place.

That's why I start with physical stuff. It's easier than the mental stuff. But it gives you practice letting go, creating space, and loosening your grip. Once that feels good, you can use the same skills on your worries.

I'm reading How to Change by behavioral scientist Katy Milkman. One idea that stuck with me is the power of a fresh start, and a move is about as fresh as it gets.

We're not starting from zero. I know how I want to set up this home. I want to have people over and bring more life into it. And my family is on board with clear surfaces and items behind closed storage. If you've ever tried to get your family on board with anything, you know that's huge.

As we pack, we're asking one question about every item: would I unpack this? I'm not asking "should I keep this" or "might I need this someday." When this box gets opened in the new house, do I want this to come out?

We won't be perfect. There will be a maybe box, and I'll check it in a couple of months.

Borrow the question this week, even if you're not moving. Pick one drawer. Pull everything out. For each item, ask: would I unpack this? Go with your gut.

• Why stress about clutter is often really about feeling out of control

• How decluttering and shopping can come from the same urge

• What to do when you're stuck in a waiting season

• How "just in case" thinking keeps clutter around

• Why letting go of worry makes room for the right thing to show up

• A one-drawer challenge using the question "Would I unpack this?"

Follow along in real time on Instagram at @WannabeClutterFree. I am documenting every single day of this.

New episodes every Wednesday. Find all the show notes at wannabeclutterfree.com.

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